facebook chat with floyd (edited).

Buttercup

if i told you what i am thinking right now you would say 'buttercup has bad taste'

or something

4:33pmAndrew

haha no

do tell

4:34pmButtercup

i want to stick my 'wang' in this 'broad' (insert photograph of a 20-something-year-old girl who is 'oddly attractive' in a 'supermodel-meets-adorable-grandmother' way)

4:34pmAndrew

thats the one with the b/f sorta

?

4:34pmButtercup

damn

good memory bro

you have a good memory bro

'buttercup likes this'

4:35pmAndrew

lol

4:35pmButtercup

feel like i will eventually think she is 'fucking ugly' or something fucked

4:35pmAndrew

i dont blame you

she's sorta cute

yeah

best to not get too involved

4:35pmButtercup

she's 'extremely cute' irl

4:36pmAndrew

i feel scared when i like girls who are not 'commitment hot'

4:36pmButtercup

she is 'the kind of girl' you ask yourself every five minutes 'wait, how did "this" happen'

'this' referring to 'everything ever'

4:36pmAndrew

yeah

i know

i feel strange

4:36pmButtercup

damn

'wassup'?

4:37pmAndrew

so camille said she's gonna give me a birthday surprise video, but i don't know if i even 'care' if i get it or not, but i feel sad because i keep checking my inbox, waiting for a surprise, 'when its not'

4:38pmButtercup

damn

seems 'lame' or something to me

4:38pmAndrew

yeah

4:38pmButtercup

'weird'

4:38pmAndrew

i dont know

i feel like

'cheated' or that she 'doesn't care about our friendship'

4:38pmButtercup

that's fucked

4:39pmAndrew

yeah

but what really bothers me is that i'm waiting for a surprise

isn't that retarded

i feel like i wanna write something

but i could care less

i'm gonna remember everything about this day anyway

i got 400 dollars worth of shoes for 60 bucks today

4:39pmButtercup

i think that that's fucked because she does care about your 'friendship' and you waiting for a video when you haven't mailed my book/nicotine makes it 'lamefucked' and maybe like 'you don't deserve a video, cunt' or something

feels like some uncontrollable emotions came out in that writing maybe

also, 'waiting for a surprise' is a 'personality disorder'

4:41pmAndrew

yeah

4:41pmButtercup

it's like 'waiting for your destiny'

hahaha

4:41pmAndrew

i feel like i should be 'completely offended' but i'm 'in total agreement with everything you said'

and even considering 'changing my name' to 'Jackass McCuntsicle'

4:41pmButtercup

damn bro

damn

a sky scraper made of flapjacks that has some 'major structural issues.'

fork
fork
fork
fork
fork
fork
syrup
butter

pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
hilary clinton pap smear
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
pancake
plate
plate
plate
plate
plate
table

damn.

camille louise frere commits suicide on the fourth of july 2009. she puts twelve firecrackers in her mouth and lights them on fire. she pretends that she is giving michael jackson and billy mays simultaneous blow jobs. she thinks 'sweet cocks' and 'sweet sweet honey butterscotch cocks' and uses a match to light the firecrackers. she does this because she is severely depressed and on a lot of speed. it is her fifth day of taking too many speed pills. she thought 'everyone is dead' just before doing this. 'fuck america. fucking america is just like shit' she thinks. all that past week she had listened to michael jackson on tape casette on her dad's old boom box and had watched billy mays infomercial playlists on youtube as a 'tribute' or 'memorial' or something to the sweet sweet cocks in her mouth. 'jesus christ. these are the sweetest sweet cocks' she says in a muffled and mostly not-discernible voice because of the twelve firecrackers in her mouth. she is wearing a red white and blue dress designed to look 'all-american' or something in a sort of '50s housewife retrospective manner and looks fairly sexy. she ate a lot of kosher grilled hot dogs with a lot of relish and listened to her father make a speech to their neighbors about how 'fucking awesome' america is. the neighbors seemed somewhat impressed but mostly had an expression like 'goddamn. damn. goddamn' on their faces when he was giving the speech. camille louise frere decided that she would rather have a dozen firecrackers stuffed in her mouth and lit and think something like 'i have michael jackson and billy mays's cocks in my mouth and they taste like butterscotch or something' than be in america. 'firecockers' she thought and kind of chuckles. she gets very worried suddenly because there are twelve lit firecrackers in her mouth. 'they are dead. every celebrity is dead because everyone is fucking dead. i am dead as shit' she thinks. her brother's girlfriend molly walks up and sees her standing in a fairly sexy dress and with twelve lit firecrackers in her mouth and says 'what are you doing'. camille takes the firecrackers out of her mouth and throws them in a nearby cooler filled with water and says 'assassinating your bitch ass'. molly says 'i don't have a bitch ass. your ass is "bitch"' and sighs loudly. 'fuck you hoe bag' camille says and then immediately feels severely fucked because she likes molly and does not want to alienate her. 'i take it back' she says. molly says 'do you want beer? there is amstel light and corona light and bud light and maybe champagne chilling somewhere'. camille says 'i am on speed' and her face becomes a giant down parabola on a 50" x 50" grid with each box having an area of 1 squared inch showing that she is not okay with drinking alcohol while on speed. 'my heart will stop' she says. 'damn' molly says. camille louise frere does not commit suicide. what just happened in this story probably happened on the back lawn of the house that camille louise frere lives in. when she walks toward the front lawn she (unbeknown to her) steps on a very small grasshopper that just finished crying at about two decibels for four hours straight because his wife left him. 'my wife left me' the grasshopper sobs, 'i am dead as fucking shit. everyone is dead'.

gmail chat with tao lin (uneditted).

11:50 PM me: read your last tweet. i think it's 'the descendents' brotao: bro

fuck11:51 PM me: i could be wrong though

11:52 PM tao: deleted it

me: damn

tao: sup

me: 'chillin'

trying to paint on the computer

11:53 PM but i think my processor is too slow

'fucking blows'

sup

tao: layin on my bed

me: you're not writing bro?

i thought you were a 'famous writer'

tao: tryin

11:54 PM to

me: damn

tao: damn]

me: i think i will 'try' to write something to later maybe

idk

11:55 PM bro

one of my blog's contributors left the blog

11:56 PM tao: is tumblr 'fucking' down

me: seems okay, but also like everything is falling apart

damn

11:57 PM tao: damn

hearing descendants songs i never heard before

me: trying to download 'somery'

don't know if i 'get' punk

might have been born to late or something

11:58 PM it isn't downloading

fuck

12:00 AM bro

how did you 'invent' your 'voice'?

tao: bro

damn

me: is that something you 'disclose'?

tao: damn, maybe not

me: seems pretty ubiquitous now

seems like you did something 'effectively'

12:01 AM damn

did you hear bro?

tao: damn what

me: i hate to break it to you

michael jackson is supposedly dead

tao: dmn

me: 'can't fucking believe it' or something

12:02 AM tao: seems ok

me: i guess

i guess i kind of expected it to happen in 15-30 maybe 50 years from now

12:07 AM tao: damn

12:08 AM me: https://twitter.com/abstersion/status/2367756687

12:10 AM tao: sweet

12:13 AM me: passion pit seems pretty relevant bro

tao: dam

12:14 AM me: and the dirty projectors are considered a 'buzz band' to some degree

haven't listened to them though

12:18 AM tao: scratching my penis

me: damn

'successfully' or 'unsuccessfully'?

12:19 AM seems like i 'unsuccessfully' do that a lot

tao: damn

didn't think of it like that

12:21 AM me: i wish that i had a girlfriend bro

girlfriends seem good

tao: glad i have a gf

me: damn

12:22 AM i feel like 'the only bro in the world without a girlfriend' right now

seems like there isn't much demand or something

how did you get a girlfriend bro?

12:23 AM tao: through my career

me: damn

i need a 'career' too

also seems unavailable but for other reasons

12:24 AM 'unattainable' rather

tao: jus gotta 'keep goin'

might masturbate soon

me: seems good

12:25 AM seems like i would too, but i think my grandmother is in my house

damn

tao: lock your door bro

me: don't have a door

'totally fucked'

hope she leaves soon

i need to restart my computer bro

goodnight bro

12:26 AM tao: night

i think that i will try to 'standardize' my shit again

hella awesome dude

we're just friends who have unprotected sex

i am so sick of everything

i need a new camera if i am going to ever be a famous filmmaker or make a short that people will think is 'artsy' or 'fucking insane' or anything. buy me a new camera

i don't know if i like music, but it seems pretty important

music shouldn't exist. why does music exist.

fuck.........

i am having a shitty day on account of craving cow's milk pretty badly

i spent ten to fifteen minutes staring at my own username trying to convince myself that i should sign out of twitter

i feel completely odd and not at all convenient

jesus