the dude chill campaign

to promote my upcoming movie i am launching the dude chill campaign

a list of movies that i enjoyed watching 'at some point' in the past year

watched this with my girlfriend around early summer. 'revisited' it ~3 times since that viewing. entirely hand-drawn animation directed by a japanese man who is known to suffer from carpal tunnel syndrome. he previously insisted on hand-drawing [in pencil] all of the storyboards for his other films so that his 'vision' would not be ruined by a 100+ person team of animators. i assume this movie was done in the same way. the animation seems 'superb' to me. the plot is based loosely on 'the little mermaid' and, it not being a musical 'not withstanding', is, in my opinion, a far better film. it is for children and has a catchy theme song that does not appear in the film, but the melody is a motif in the score.
in the film a 'five-year-old' female fish-thing falls in love with a five-year-old human boy and in an attempt to become human throws the world into near destruction [via the moon crashing into the earth]. the movie is mostly 'mundane' moments in the characters' lives during this occurrence with maybe ten minutes of 'extreme, intense, affecting action-type sequences'. there are no 'good' or 'bad' guys. all of the characters are prejudiced, impulsive, and exhibit feelings of inadequacy, which seems really good to me.

watched this recently at the prompting of brandon scott gorrell. vaguely remember watching the last fifteen minutes of it 'at some point' in high school. it seems 'horrible' in a way that affects feelings of extremely hilarity/endearment, to me. i recently determined that all films starring arnold schwarzenegger ['twins', 'terminator', 'true lies'] all have overwhelming, comedic, endearing qualities. this movie affects these feelings in me 'more deeply' than any of his other films. the 'keywords area' contains the word 'campy'. this seems accurate. my girlfriend repeatedly 'begged' me to turn it off, which i eventually did ~80% of the way into the movie.

james earl jones plays a shape-shifting, viking warrior-god who brutally murders arnold schwarzenegger's family for no reason and steals the sword his father forged. arnold schwarzenegger spends what seems like a week recovering from the emotional trauma and attempts to systematically infiltrate james earl jones's massive cult in order to assassinate him and reclaim his family's honor with what seems like 'severe, directionless fury'. during this time arnold schwarzenegger gets bitten by a black man in a 'human cock fight', has sex with a flaming witch-demon who resembles cher, and drunkenly punches a camel in the face, instantly killing it.

i downloaded this movie last november after a brief, vague interest in mumblecore genre movies 'arose'. i watched it in what seemed like spring. the scenes in this movie seem bizarre to me. the dialogue is affecting in a 'dramatic' but 'non-hollywood' way. i feel like i can only compare mumblecore-type movies to their 'hollywood-type' 'counterparts'.

this movie is essentially a melodrama about a confused girl who engages in three consecutive relationships 'haphazardly', or maybe in a 'more realistic' than in a 'hollywood-style' way. i feel like i related to this movie. the characters conveyed emotions/situational confusion that i think i have experienced. i feel like i don't know what to say about this movie than to say i enjoyed it. maybe that was 'the point'.

feel 'terrified' re the events in this movie 'happening to me'. seems bleak. the music is by the lead guy in lcd soundsystem. it stars ben stiller.

[the premise for this movie is] ben stiller was in a band, had a cute girlfriend, had 'good friends', got a record deal, felt it was 'too corporate' and didn't want to 'sell out', became 'a huge failure', moved from los angeles to new york and became a carpenter. ~15 years pass. ben stiller moves back to california to house-sit for his brother who is in [present day] vietnam. ben stiller performs cunnilingus on the girl from 'hannah takes the stairs', argues with the the guy in the first relationship in 'hannah takes the stairs', almost drowns, acts like an 'extremely confused asshole'. there is a dog. i liked the colors/wardrobe/hairstyles in this movie. unsure if this was mumblecore or 'hollywood-meets-mumblecore' or something.

downloaded the 'premier' internet torrent of this movie, which was 6.8 out of 10 in overall quality in my opinion. this movie may have 'invented' a new 'genre of filmmaking' in that it is shot entirely from alternating first and second-person perspectives of one character over a 'linear timeframe' with sparsely placed 'flashbacks' used to affect a sense of 'stream-of-consciousness' dreaming or something. the film is by gaspar noe, a french director who i had previously heard nothing about, but subsequently watched all movies and shorts [by him] available on the internet. the way the computer graphics imaging team constructed the 'tripping' sequences and the visual aspect of taking such drugs as DMT, psilocybin mushrooms, or high-strength salvia extract seemed 'the most realistic' cinematic attempt at conveying being 'on drugs' i have experienced.

in the movie a young man living in tokyo with his sister is set up in a drug bust organized by a friend whose mother he slept with. the young man, named oscar, takes a large dose of DMT, walks to the bar where he is to meet his friend, and is chased into a bathroom by local authorities where he, in desperation, tries to flush drugs down a japanese toilet [highly non-conducive to drug flushing]. he says 'i have a gun. if you don't leave me alone i'll shoot', so the police shoot him through the door of the stall. the rest of the movie is a dream-like sequence where oscar imagines that the contents of 'the tibetan book of the dead' are literal and his 'ghost' seeks reincarnation while returning to memories from his past and 'checking in on' his sister and various friends as they cope differently with his 'death' as he perceives it. i 'highly recommend' this movie.

i saw this movie 'in a state' something like 'actively feeling like i might die at any moment'. it is the only movie i have seen in 'the new [popular] version' of '3-d'. it seemed really bad in comparison to my general levels of enjoyment watching the previous two 'toy story' movies. somewhere around the last ~20 minutes, high levels of 'fearing for my life' and 'longing for human connection' occurred. possibly due to 'life-threatening anemia' but also possibly due to rapid descent into a giant, perceptively 'actual', 'hellish' vortex of fiery [something] preceding vaguely funny 'deus ex machina'.
[i enjoy remembering repeated thoughts of 'i am going to die' and 'oh my god i am going to die' while watching this movie, which is why this 'damning review' is included here]
perhaps all three 'toy story' movies involve a climactic, seemingly doomed conclusion, but this installation seemed redundant, possibly 'horrendous' in terms of attempts to cause empathy/excitement. seemed like pixar was 'trying too hard' throughout the movie. i have strong feelings of what seems like 'sincere disdain' for pixar after two 'successful' [re ticket sales/critic reviews/public perception], however, from an execution standpoint 'horrible' movies [see 'up']. my girlfriend has not seen 'toy story 3' and vaguely tried to convince me to download it until i said 'i have no desire to see it again. no, maybe i do' and 'definitely do not'.

poetry collection 'accepted' but never posted/printed in pangur ban party

in addition to [the eight pieces of prose written over the course of the last year]

i also wrote some poems


the internet is a place for homos and freaks and gunslingers and pirates and people who
stay up for three days at a time and animals with god complexes and i just want to hold
your face real tender and say things like silly putty into your cheeks


i am having intense feelings of wanting to utterly and completely destroy my macbook
and force my brain to feel nothing at all and reminisce only on the neutral moments we
had together like my eyes not focusing while a youtube video loaded or when i couldn’ t
remember a line of html i was writing or something


is there a direct correlation between my extreme passive aggression, my lack of self-
awareness and my tendency to stay up for days at a time on the verge of crying but not
crying and really just wanting someone


it is very difficult to convince a person that they should be in a relationship with you
when you are almost exclusively interested in sitting in bed contemplating the universe


there is an eyelash in my eye and i can feel the bottom of my feet and my heartbeat in my
temple and there are little birds outside feeling like south is good and it is the winter and i
hate the winter and i feel indifferent about all seasons and my milk has been sitting out all
night and is curdled and we’ re all going to be dead someday


i think that it is fair to say that a person who has not been born yet is dead, technically, as
far as their being not being


i am going to borrow my sister’ s metro card to go discover women i have yet to explore


i walked past him and felt a vague dash of attraction towards something: his stride
maybe. i looked back and so did he at me and our eyes met and i gave him the finger with
an antipathetic stare, to ward him off. this had the unintended effect of turning him on
slightly which i could feel using electricity and began to run down the stairs like a maniac
and thought ‘i’m a maniac’


fish are related to humans, i realize. they have social patterns and feeding habits and
rhythmic pre-coital dances and probably don’ t realize they’ re pregnant for a while, like
obese women. everything does this maybe. hermaphroditic species do this too somehow
i’m sure


my use of hyperbole is extended only to my physical social presence. when typing
something i am aware the online community might read, i filter my thoughts
through a little strainer that collects inherent feelings of inadequacy i associate with
overwhelmingly nostalgic stimuli and my own chronic miscalculation of what type of
discourse is expected based on the facial expressions, gesticulation and sonic tone of my
fellow conversationalists



i feel mostly inept, maybe at everything, but this seems okay, and i think one day
someone else may be okay with me being this way and will still want to be near me
frequently, observing my ineptitude


the 'spiritual', a state humans cannot perceive consciously, was the psychological construct
that directly preceded and inspired the creation of the internet as a practical, physical
extension of the primary interconnecting human abstraction, and is therefore, out of
necessity, physically and psychologically accessible to the majority of humans so
that they can become entangle in it completely and feel cultural solidarity, like how
witch doctors used to convince groups of monolingual neighboring villages they were sick
and needed witchdoctor magic specifically, even if they didn’t, like 'webmd(dot)com' which
advertises on television and billboards and on the radio and gets mad hits i’m sure


i imagine that you are attractive and have similar interests as me and are only at most
dependent as opposed to addicted to any assortment of drugs and have good taste in
clothing, movies, music and understand but cannot emulate my sense of humor but
have an equally stimulating pattern of sarcastic observation, and since i am mostly
heterosexual i imagine you have a menstrual cycle and bunch of feminine idiosyncrasies
that will eventually drive me to dislike you at least slightly

when drinking from a cup with a circumference longer than from thumb to middle finger you must realize you are at seven eleven or a sporting event

feels like i am taking this ‘too seriously’

like my levels of sarcasm are low

feeling a ‘desperate’ sort of panic

might do some carpentering

feeling an abstract longing to perform carpentry

to ‘build’

from a specific distance

while waiting for my career to start

seems like i have been waiting or something

since the pleistocene era

uncounted generations of waiting

for life to end; begin

abstractly wish there were some drugs to do

my feelings of incompetence seem pervasive, universal

feel myself typing something ‘derelict’

so afraid, filled with a panicky sarcasm

feeling homeless

more words, just typing more and more words

updates re the past year/my 'death'

i 'killed' myself a year ago

my internet persona seemed to have been 'exhausted' or something

felt like not having an internet presence for a while

also felt recent work was inconsistent/not entertaining/'horrible' maybe

now i feel 'bored' re not having an internet presence

also i need to promote work that i have made/am making

here are some links:

a film i am directing that is in development

a new sound project (LP 'in the works')

eight 'horrible' pieces of prose i wrote over the past year and feel somewhat 'ashamed of'