lol want to die
lol i'm not joking
lol i want to die
lol i have never felt this like this before
lol i mean i have but shit
lol fuck
lol 'emo'
lol but seriously
lol not hungry anymore
lol acid reflux has yielded to 'sinking feeling'
lol was going to masturbate
lol just want to hang myself
lol this is definitely 'a cry for help'
lol please don't 'reach out'
lol i'll be fine
lol want to die
possible things to do with megan boyle (late january 2012)
found a google doc outlining 'possible things to do with megan boyle' from her january ~21, 2012 visit to baltimore (we ate pizza, drank whiskey, spun in 'the ovum', 'got ratchet', partied with friends, watched 'DEAD MIDGETS', then fell asleep sitting up, watching 'millenium'. some activities can be viewed via the below video):
possible things to do with megan boyle:
1. rock out making music, self-consciously committing to forming a non-committal band
2. go out for pizza and just enjoy ourselves while munching
3. set up ‘ultimate playlist ever’ and see if we can make random youtube music videos as an experiment
4. sit on couch, watch undesirable but 4-5 star rated movie
5. explore the interior of the copycat building and try to make new friends
6. go to a bar, start a ruckus as opposed to just trying to sleep with ppl/get drunk
7. based on her interests give her a freestyle selection of things she might be up to do then we arm wrestle/RPS until the winner provides ‘random activity’
8. clean the copycat as some sort of ‘re-branding’ initiative, invite her to organize things while i talk her head off
9. offer my infinite film accessibility and ask her what type of movies she likes, clean up a bit, and watch decided-on movie in some ‘new fashion’/form/setting
10. have intellectual discussion about ____________ and go from there
11. spy on roommates' conversations and compile them into a ‘night at the copycat’ short story collection
12. go play in what remains of the snow for 5 minutes at a time with 15 minute intervals
#missubro
possible things to do with megan boyle:
1. rock out making music, self-consciously committing to forming a non-committal band
2. go out for pizza and just enjoy ourselves while munching
3. set up ‘ultimate playlist ever’ and see if we can make random youtube music videos as an experiment
4. sit on couch, watch undesirable but 4-5 star rated movie
5. explore the interior of the copycat building and try to make new friends
6. go to a bar, start a ruckus as opposed to just trying to sleep with ppl/get drunk
7. based on her interests give her a freestyle selection of things she might be up to do then we arm wrestle/RPS until the winner provides ‘random activity’
8. clean the copycat as some sort of ‘re-branding’ initiative, invite her to organize things while i talk her head off
9. offer my infinite film accessibility and ask her what type of movies she likes, clean up a bit, and watch decided-on movie in some ‘new fashion’/form/setting
10. have intellectual discussion about ____________ and go from there
11. spy on roommates' conversations and compile them into a ‘night at the copycat’ short story collection
12. go play in what remains of the snow for 5 minutes at a time with 15 minute intervals
#missubro
passion is the will of circumstance lost in the chaos of rational thought
momentarily felt satisfied with everything
fear and swift acknowledgement of anger were gone
and i realized i am a monster
caring only for beauty
and have always been this thing
despite conscious protest
i realized that i
have never written a love poem
have never said a beautiful thing
have never seen a beautiful thing
and am directionless in this task
where are you
i want to see you tonight
i will lie awake waiting
to see you tonight
for you to call me drunk on wine
and varied conversation
a single concerned thought of me having crossed your mind
and you will repeat the words ‘i don’t know myself’
but instead, you won’t call me
you will feel unsure and non-committal
and i will feel insane and move rapidly through space
and a monster will roar
'this isn’t intense enough'
‘i can’t lose myself in this’
fear and swift acknowledgement of anger were gone
and i realized i am a monster
caring only for beauty
and have always been this thing
despite conscious protest
i realized that i
have never written a love poem
have never said a beautiful thing
have never seen a beautiful thing
and am directionless in this task
where are you
i want to see you tonight
i will lie awake waiting
to see you tonight
for you to call me drunk on wine
and varied conversation
a single concerned thought of me having crossed your mind
and you will repeat the words ‘i don’t know myself’
but instead, you won’t call me
you will feel unsure and non-committal
and i will feel insane and move rapidly through space
and a monster will roar
'this isn’t intense enough'
‘i can’t lose myself in this’
a memory
i am unsure how to discern
if i can’t sleep, or don’t sleep
lying in front of a laptop,
all windows closed
against a bizarre interface
a generic background,
i see you smile
a memory
on a cast iron fire escape
you seem cold
and warm
and cold again
and selfishly, i think,
when i write about me, i feel compact
verbose
‘i’m cold,’ you said then
and i thought
we could die trying to communicate
veraciously
if i can’t sleep, or don’t sleep
lying in front of a laptop,
all windows closed
against a bizarre interface
a generic background,
i see you smile
a memory
on a cast iron fire escape
you seem cold
and warm
and cold again
and selfishly, i think,
when i write about me, i feel compact
verbose
‘i’m cold,’ you said then
and i thought
we could die trying to communicate
veraciously
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