i am not retarded. i am not retarded. i am not retarded. maybe i am retarded. fuck no.

i think that it is kind of funny that handicapped people exist
not in a way that might result in my face muscles 'going apeshit'
or me laughing 'boisterously'
but in a ‘i can’t believe “gangsta ass niggas” exist’
‘i can’t believe rare amazonian indian tribes exist’ way
sometimes i question the state of reality
with regard to whether or not there is such a thing as a non-handicapped person
or a person who can function okay or ‘get along’
in the context of 'western civilization'
without ‘western civilization’ considering that person
‘a non-functional human being’
because there are so many different types of shitty social structures
and contexts
and parameters for reaching 'contentedness' or 'success'
and none of them are really inherently ‘functional’ i don't think
i don’t know

it seems like I am an ‘us’
and everyone who i do not have a definite system of approaching
in every imaginable or unimaginable social context
might be a ‘them’
and i don’t think that i want to meet a person
that i know how to 'act' toward with definite precision
in every imaginable or unimaginable interactive scenario
involving 'people' and 'acting'
because i think that the constant possibility of one person fucking another person's life to utter shit is an essential aspect of human interaction

i don't know what i intended to do by personifying 'western civilization'
it seems like personifying and idealizing western civilization are maybe the same thing
ideally 'western civilization' would be western a. civilization and would be an investment banker
who would go on mission trips to the amazon occasionally
but never to the ghetto
never ever to the ghetto

i feel like i 'revised the shit out of' this pome
seems like it's still 'full of shit' though maybe