i am just between feeling 'apathetic' and feeling 'like fucking shit' and want to document it sort of.

my mom bought some 'izze' pure fruit juice and sparkling water. i have never had this drink before. i think i will try it. it is blackberry flavored.

if i could get angry enough i think that i might possibly be willing to break an object that is very important to another person. i have not done this in my entire life yet i don't think.

what is my motivation for writing this?

why am i writing this?

why am i writing this the way that i am writing this?

i vaguely feel like 'there isn't anything very interesting anywhere between australia, canada or the moon' and 'when someone goes to mars then i will have a reason to get rich and i will work very hard to get rich and go to mars once it is nice and sustainable, etc'.

i don't want to have children but i am very curious what a person who is half me and half a woman i feel awkward about might look like. and act like. and how that person would feel toward me. but i don't think i am willing to sign off on that ever happening.

what the fuck is this? what the fuck is this? what the fuck is this? what the fuck is this?

'izze' contains 70% fruit juice and 'a splash' of sparkling water.

i sort of wanted to talk to brandon gorrell on gmail chat today, but when i saw that he was online i felt like i should read some of the things on his blog first maybe. then i went back to gmail and saw that he was not online. i might have said 'fuck' or something when this happened.

i don't feel like writing anymore. i feel like taking a very long piss. i feel like taking a very long piss and then finishing this can of gross-tasting 'izze' and then posting my sci-fi novel online since i missed the deadline yesterday and everything.