self-conscious blog post

just spent five minutes on formspring looking at information posted by people i have never met in real life

feel fascinated by their lives because they are 'shrouded' by the internet, in what seems non-voyeuristic

via 'the advent of internet celebrity' and the fact that those who have it actively pursue it/seem addicted to it

feel completely incoherent

most thoughts begin clearly, then go blank, seems my brain reboots/transitions from visual to verbal, i think [something], then remember earlier thought, continue for a phrase/sentence, then it goes blank...

feels awful

seems similar to my father's thought/behavioral patterns

which worries me

seems like editing is the only way to be 'self aware'

like being able to form something in real time, review what happened physically and recall mentally what word-based thoughts were 'going through' 'your head'

and change it to adhere to something abstract that you imagine

confused about 'imagination';what that is/how to define it

'imagination'

seems like an abstract way to describe abstraction

if i were to attempt a dictionary-esque definition of 'imagination' in what seems concrete it would be this:

imagination — n. — 1. nothing. 2. a word representing the process where a human being transfers information from one or more of the senses [sight, taste, smell, hearing, touch], into a thought that extrapolates on, combines or deconstructs the information sensed in a way that may or may not be reconstructed through physical processes for the purpose of survival, to communicate a unique experience to another human being, or for commercial purposes. ex. when johnny said he wanted a crimson dragon like the one in his book for christmas, his aunt said 'what an imagination johnny has!'

writing concrete descriptions seems bleak

want to die a little

can't tell if that thought seems 'emo' or like 'a vague, sarcastic notion'

how unsure i feel seems comforting, like classification isn't definite, so can't be either one, both of which seem more bleak than writing concrete descriptions of frequently-used words

just played and won a game of solitaire, it's 3:32am

just played and one another game of solitaire, it's 3:37am

i feel awful