i am immuned to swine flu somehow.

i am an angry and unyielding pair of toenail clippers

what happens when toenail clippers accelerate off the side of a seventy-story building due to gravity

do they become angry and unyielding to everything except asphalt

via passing through the air and through the skull of an unwitting yorshire terrier on the ground

do they become scared shitless and regret everything about their life

when i commit suicide off of the side of a seventy-story building

i will focus my imagination on thoughts of bacteria in my stomach

i will imagine life that is completely non-self-aware

eating things that my body neglects to digest

and making little single-celled shits on my stomach wall

and i will make a smile that reaches from my left temple to my right temple

and a fan of the chicago bears will break my fall

and a woman walking a yorkshire terrier will make a noise and put her hands on her cheeks

and her face will stretch nineteen inches vertically

my fall will be broken

and then i will have cooked mushrooms and a bottle of wine for lunch

i will casually jog to vermont

there are tarantulas everywhere and i am in love with a stripper