andrew and crystal meth on a bus with a cantaloupe.

andrew decides that getting his hair cut is a bad idea because he feels that if it were trimmed any shorter he would look something like a lesbian with an 'ironic' moustache, which frightens him. andrew thinks about how killing himself in some dramatic manner seems like a better idea than getting his hair cut. andrew thinks that he would prefer to die in a situation keeping with james dean's 'stance' on 'mortality' than with an outward appearance potentially paying homage to the population of diabetic 'muff divers'' disregard for 'aesthetic propriety'. a hispanic child sitting across from andrew on the bus 'playfully' tosses a cantaloupe towards andrew's lap, inflicting sudden and extremely disorienting pain on andrew's testicles. the hispanic woman sitting next to the hispanic child looks with mild distress towards andrew's crotch, leans over and picks up the cantaloupe, hits the hispanic child in the back of his head and sits back down with a blank expression on her face. andrew thinks that the chances that he will not be able to have children in the future have just increased about 19% and thinks that this would not have happened if he were a 'crystal meth user', but also that he would not like to have a child because of the hispanic child's actions, but also that he is not hispanic, though he is canadian. andrew decides that buying a sandwich with the money he saved by switching to geico is definitely better than dying 'or' a hair cut.