alone

i just realized that all that i want in life is to be alone
and as an accessory to my being alone,
i want every autonomous thing in the world to be aware of and constantly be ruminating on the fact that they need to leave me alone
i want there to be multiple women on a sort of medication that keeps them perpetually aroused
who take shifts arbitrarily being in another room, either cooking stuff or lying on an enormous cuddle rug in a sexy but not robotic or inhuman manner
so that i can shuffle around a little until i am standing,
walk into that room, stick my tongue in their mouths,
cry a little bit, and then walk back to my room and be alone again
i also want a superfluously hi-tech computer system that has access to every social networking interface ever created
but that cannot physically post anything anywhere
sort of like the relationship god has with reality

i want this so that i can creep everyone on the internet, and always know whats going viral and be in touch with what appears cool to me as i go out of date
and i want my own robot friend, like HAL, that is programmed to observe me at all times
and that can create automated responses to all of my insecurities
and even make me feel bad when necessary, so as to help me grow up or something
i also want to have a surrogate mother who doesnt piss me off every time that she speaks english
and a surrogate father as well
who actually gives relevant advice and who doesnt confuse the ideas of what he wants with what i need or whats "good" for everybody/the universe
i want to be completely and utterly alone
by myself
only me
with no one else
a single entity on an infinite plane
i want everything in the world that is chaotic and insane to go about its way
only caring about its chaotic and insane self
and for it to pay little to no attention to me

now that i think about it, i actually feel that this poem describes exactly how it actually is
thats pretty sweet
i am sort of grinning about everything to myself because it feels good to be alone and i feel justified a little

now i am feeling severely depressed about everything and wish that i could really connect with just one interesting person forever