3 years


tao: bro
me: hey bro
'what's up'?
tao: what's your name bro
me: buttercup mcgillicuddy
tao: sweet
me: this is tao lin right bro?
tao: damn, yeah
just checkin in on who you are, gonna go 'chill' now
good night 'scra'
me: oh
damn, seems sweet
'night' bro
don't think i know what 'scra' is bro
googled it
seems like a military thing
damn, it's a 'vegan thing'
seems really sweet
have fun bro


me: hey bro
tao: sup
me: 'curious' if you are going to put up any more literature on the muumuu house blog soon
tao: damn
seems like no
keep hitting it up though, you never know
when something might 'pop up' 'unexpectedly'
me: damn
tao: comment on my blog sometimes so i remember to look at your blog
me: okay
'will do' i guess
tao: sweet


me: damn bro
sorry if you're busy
do you know who made the leak?
tao: dunno bro
me: seems 'inconsiderate' somewhat


me: i have a lot of things to say bro
maybe 'too many' things
feel sad
please don't respond to this
i've just decided not to say them
'sorry' about that bro


me: hey bro
sweet 'retrospective'
really enjoying it so far
feeling highly sarcastic lately
like 'nothing matters' or something
don't want to finish my novel anymore
tao: sweet
im pretty depresed
just gotta keep goin or something
me: might become an activist
i feel like all activists have to do is blindly stand for something
feels like it requires less effort mentally
funny tweet
got your tweet on my phone bro
tao: damn
me: seems like there might be a connection between an activist and a harangueutan maybe
seems like a simpler form of life
tao: do you have tumblr bro
me: yeah
but it's not good
tao: sweet, link me bro
me: it's a pretty bad tumblr
it's just a feed that goes to my blog
i don't feel like making a good tumblr
tao: damn don't know that third word
me: it's like a cyrillic approximation of 'collective'
i was feeling very 'sarcastically communist' when i made it up
it's a made­up word
i think i made up 'zoner' too sort of
just wanted 'ZYX' in a 'meaningful' way
like a revolution or something
'starting from the end'
i don't know
tao: seems sweet

me: just got back from a wedding reception
they had an open bar
so sweet


me: missed my own deadline for the fourth chapter of my book
tao: not sweet, bro
me: trying to edit, but kind of distracted by new music
maybe i should make some coffee
going to make some coffee
tao: sweet
me: i made the characters think in italics
blogger doesn't 'remember' that when i copy text
i have to italicize everything
tao: bitches
me: coffee, italics, sleep
that is my plan
just realized that those don't work too well
feel so fucked
tao: you seem sweet, bro
how old r u
me: 20
going to be 21 in august bro
tao: dam im 25
me: damn bro
when did you 'start writing' bro?
tao: 20 or 21 bro
me: i don't think comparing will help me feel less fucked, but it's a pretty good start i think
i like what you said before
about being depressed and just 'going on' or something
i'm going to write
tao: sweet
yeah i feel horrible most of the time
but i keep doing shit
seems funny
me: yeah bro
i sort of 'don't give a shit' about anything but 'art'
and my parents are evangelical christians
tao: jesus
me: i don't want to 'vent'
but i feel like shit most of the time
it does seem funny
tao: seems sweet
me: going to post this chapter before 1
that is my new goal
tao: damn
deteremined bro
me: oh damn
no italics this chapter
was thinking of a different chapter
tao: you seem energetic
me: feel 'too energetic' sometimes bro
lots of 'power rangers' and action movies when i was younger
and ADHD maybe
undiagnosed or something
tao: damn do you have adderall
me: sorry bro
not since college
no prescription
posted it on time i guess
should probably promote it somewhere
tao: have oyu submitted to lit journals
me: i submitted to one­story with brandon
tao: sweet
me: i haven't done it before that
tao: submit to some random ass shitty lit journals
me: damn
just googled 'literary journal'
tao: sweet
just click things in my sidebar
me: found an alphabetical list of shitty ass liy journals
tao: to see wher eive been published
submit to places me and brandon have
been published in
me: sounds sweet
thanks bro
good advice bro
tao: just gotta play the lit game or osmething
me: damn
not very good at games
'pretty shitty' at games in general
suddenly feel completely powerless or something
might try though
tao: i feel oyu can play the lit game bro
me: i feel unsure
feels like you 'know what you're talking about' though maybe
seems sweet
even if you 'don't know what you're talking about' even
tao: interesting
cant believe the animal i discovered isnt goin viral
me: how does something 'go viral' bro?
seems abstract
tao: gettin reblogged and stuff
not sure
me: like something that 'only happens on twitter/youtube/HRO' or something
oh damn
tumblr has a way of 'going viral'
might reblog your animal
tao: damn sweet
me: damn
seemed 'extremely easy'
tao: damn you really did it bro?
me: can't believe it's not going viral bro
i think so
tao: damn think the intenret sucks
me: can you see how many people 'reblog' your hamster hybrid friend post?
tao: yeah
click comments bro
and dcroll down
scroll down
me: sweet
are you just waiting for it to go viral?
tao: i tried to help it by twitterin
and bloggin bout it
i suck bro
damn bro
you haven't discovered any animals in a while bro
maybe that's why
people on the internet don't know you do shit like that
might be confused by it
tao: damn i discover like 3­6 a day
me: damn
seems scientific or something
i don't think the internet likes science much
seems allergic to science for the most part
tao: think im gonna be rich soon
in like a year
me: bro
seems 'very sweet' bro
will you move out of brooklyn if you 'make it'?
tao: damn probably yeah
leave behind all these broke ass bros
me: damn bro
most people are broke now bro
might want to move to an asteroid where the recession hasn't hit yet
imagine inflation on an asteroid
tao: damn, always wanted a meteor to kill me
might be different on an astreroid
me: better view on on an asteroid i think
moving is all about location
meteors seem to hit things a lot
i feel like asteroids like to play in fields for the most part
might put that in my book
if you move to an asteroid
mail me some space rocks
a big one
so i can hit my face with it
tao: damn, sure thing bro
me: thanks bro
tao: np bro


[transcribed here]
me: bro
can i post our last convo on my blog?
is that 'okay' with you? rather
tao: bro, you can do whatever you want
so yeah
that'd be sweet
me: sweet
i'll link you when i have
tao: swet
me: haha

me: bro how do people get published on muumuu house's website?
tao: i dont know
me: damn


me: happy birthday bro
tao: thx
me: megan boyle and i are road tripping to the release party tomorrow
it's going to be 'fucking awesome' or something i think
tao: sweet
are you friends with her
me: i met her through the internet
tao: damn
see yous oon bro
afk now
me: yeah
fer sher


me: bro
are you submitting anywhere 'low key' enough for me to submit to atm?
tao: what does atm mean
me: 'at the moment'
i guess that's not what i mean
are there any sweet journals taking submissions that you know of is what i mean
tao: hm
not really
no not really
me: damn
tao: feeling severely depressed right now
at a later time i will recommend places to you
me: me too
thanks bro
tao: thanks for coming and stuff, was nice to meet you
me: i think i am going to write a short fiction about this past weekend
it was really nice meeting you too
it was one of the sweetest weekends i have had in a while
tao: damn, nice
me: if you aren't very busy i posted a poem and advertised my online novel on it
tao: im busy + severely depressed, but will look at it at some point
me: sweet
going to write that short now
peace bro
tao: peace

me: 'yo'
was just reading 'tbbc' the part about 'space space'
just remembered that luke left some shit there
wondering if you can contact rika(sp?)
have her mail it to him/me possibly
tao: who
me: the woman who lives at space space
tao: dunno her, ill give you the person who hosted the reading's email
me: okay
tao: "ben gocker" ,
me: sweet

me: are you busy/do you still feel severely depressed?


me: feel bad that you're feeling 'so depressed'/'poor' bro. i am brainstorming $$ ideas a little


me: hey bro
sup bro
are you busy
tao: yeah
me: np


me: last muumuu house tweet has a typo
tao: damn, thanks
me: np


me: hey tao
have you ever seen the 'revolutionary road' movie?
i just finished watching it
i don't like it at all

purchasing 'shoplifting from american apparel'
7/23/09 Buttercup to Tao

what is the difference if i buy the book from the tao lin store vs. amazon.com? seems cheaper on amazon.com but i am buying it to 'promote' your career, so i am confused as to which does this more.


me: bro
you get my email?
where should i preorder 'shoplifting'?
tao: bro
thanks for your interest
at this point buying from amazon would 'help my career' most i think
me: damn
tao: thanks bro
me: np
i have money now so it is convenient to get it now
might buy
tao: sweet
me: 'fuck america' stickers too
tao: i would 'hold' on those
me: k
tao: having problems finding a place that will print them
me: damn


i am still unpublished on the internet but i have revealed my real name and would like to see this poem on muumuuhouse's front page because i have decided to be 'a writer'
7/28/09 Buttercup to Tao

hi tao,

i am feeling sad and irrational and want you to read my poem

buttercup mcgillicuddy/stephen mcdowell



me: sup


me: i like your comments on 'this recording'
i am still laughing because of them
tao: damn, sweet


me: hi tao
sweet modelling stuff on HRO
tao: thx
me: sup
how was your reading on monday
i wanted to come with megan again
but it fell through or something
'come with megan' damn
tao: huh, what reading
me: damn
i confused august with september i think
and my not of going to brooklyn with my not attending a reading
confusing myself
tao: damn
me: was going to go to brooklyn on the 10th of august. you have a reading on the 10th september
there is the confusion
the source of it
tao: damn
think yuo'll come in sept?
me: possibly
might move to california
if i am los angeles i will go to the book soup reading
tao: sweet
me: i feel like there are small rocket engines just behind my ears
and they're blasting 'full throttle'
feels weird
i have to go bro
i will talk to you soon i think
tao: peace


me: sup bro
it is late


me: should i send you my address so you can mail me 'sfaa' when you get back to NY?

9/22/09 Buttercup to Tao

[early excerpt from male, black in which the main character’s name is ‘patrick’]


me: hey bro
has anyone helped you yet
tao: yes
'helped myself'
me: nice
haha, your new pic is sweet
tao: just trying to be chill
me: seems chill
can i have a free copy of your book
i'm out of money now
tao: i have no copies and i'm in debt
me: jesus
going to convince my parents to buy a copy i guess
tao: ~$9 on amazon
6 minutes
me: mom just bought 'sfaa', 'eee' and 'my heart pushes my ribs' from amazon and said 'tell toa we
are trying to help his career', hehe
tao: oh damn
tell her 'thanks, bro'
me: she said she 'likes your writing and appreciates you letting me stay at your place in july', and
then went to bed
me as in buttercup
tao: oh damn
she went to bed at 8 pm
me: she has to get up really early
she teaches elementary school
i'm going to a party in ~10 minutes
tao: sweet
me: bro, will you comment on my blog
tao: link
me: i just 'allowed' commenting
it's under my username
sweet, thanks
tao: np


me: i am sitting next to megan boyle
tao: sweet
me: college park, maryland
we posted something on my blog
'first megan boyle blog post in 1,000,000 blog years'
tao: oh sweet
ryan manning


me: bro
tao: jesus
me: what bro
did i obstruct the process of 'deep concentration'
tao: chillin
me: damn


me: sup bro
tao: chilin
me: sweet
going to submit something to your new gimmick b/c i want a copy of 'bed'
tao: sweet
write about yoru tript o
your trip
to muumuu launch party
me: that's in there
should i just write about that
tao: no, it should focus on me
me: okay, sweet
every paragraph starts with 'buttercup...' but i say your name x3 compared to mine
tao: goo

me: editing it
9 minutes
me: http://noisandarewhatwho.blogspot.com/2009/10/grassroots-promotional-campaign-re-tao.html
5 minutes
tao: god job
good job
can iput your real name
me: hmm
why do you want to do that
tao: i put real names for the other people
me: i would prefer buttercup mcgillicuddy
tao: ok
email me your addres
me: k

10/26/09 Buttercup to Tao

I would like a copy of Bed. Thanks bro :)

[address omitted]


me: sfaa just came in the mail
so stoked

me: have people already emailed you and yelled at you that there is a typo in sfaa?
i think there is a typo
tao: i know of some typos
me: okay, seems good
i won't bother you with redundancy

me: hey tao

me: just cleaned my entire kitchen after a week+ of severe neglect
feeling powerful
going to make espresso


me: are you or zachary trying to shit­talk my blog? or is it someone else?
i can see the IP via statcounter
seems funny if it is one of you bros
me: i'm not 'resentful' but feel really confused
tao: no
i dont know who
me: damn
i'm going to try to write a novel next month
tao: damn
what hours did you sleep last night
me: i think 8am­11am
tao: jesus
i slept 8am­2:30pm
me: i was writing a treatment for my 'national try to write a fucking novel in a month' month book
tao: damn
me: megan boyle wrote a blog post
i feel like that deserves an exclamation point
what were you doing all last night
tao: sweet
looking at internet
me: damn
hosting a radio show later today
i was thinking about asking you if you want an interview, maybe next week at 6
or between 6­8
tao: damn
i'm not sure
me: if your schedule is open i mean
tao: next wednesday?
me: yeah
tao: in an effort to not have any obligtions, in case i want to sleep then, i will decline
me: haha, k. if i see you online some time early next week i will probably ask again
tao: k
me: going to go on a 'campaign' to sarcastically embrace my 'blackness', i think
unsure how
tao: damn
me: http://ohmygoditssobig.tumblr.com/
tao: damn
me: damn
just posted a video of me eating lucky charms to that tumblr
then saw brandon posted a cereal gchat with you
'fucking coincidences’


me: hey bro
blackout buttercup
me: sorry if i scared you bro
ia m reallly drunk
eating pasta with tomato sauce; carbs; jesus crist
thought i got an email; didint
me: tao?


me: going to sleep


me: hi tao
tao: hi
me: i am reading bed, it got here really quickly
it's really good/i'm enjoying it
tao: sweet


me: bro
how do i get published by muumuu house
do you not like my poetry
i feel alone
tao: don't feel 'left out,' i think
i've known all the people i publish on muumuu house for, like, years
me: oh, damn
i don't feel left out
tao: just 'keep going'
ok cool
me: i am writing a novel for nanowrimo
~16000 words
i will 'keep going'
tao: sweet
me: i commented on silliman's blog. trying to 'fuel the shitstorm' i guess
unsure (as usual) of the potential effect
tao: sweet
me: it worked
tao: damn
me: hehehe
me: i'm debating giving a poorly­informed response
might just go back to writing my novel
tao: damn
me: i'm going to work on the novel
if there is an update by 3 i will reply to that
tao: sweet


me: hahahaha
tao: damn
me: can you get hipster cred by being absolutely unintentionally insanely ironic
'ironically gambling with your life/livelihood'
tao: unsure what you're talking about
me: i think the empathy you will/are elicit(ing) because of how desperate the video seemed and how
non­existent the response was will/is somehow boost(ing) your overall relevance/(possibly) career
tao: yes
me: that seems ironic, like if someone was playing russian roulette, and hit a dud bullet as opposed
to actually hitting an empty chamber or something
i'm really entertained by this
tao: good
me: i guess, that's all i wanted to say, besides that i just finished reading noah's book and really
enjoyed it
'tao lin vs. hu chin' also seems potentially career boosting in a 'neal cassady vs. dean moriarty' way

me: are you working or semi­working/bullshiting
i like chuckled or something at the minivan tweet

looking for a photo of you and brandon on google image search; can’t find it
11/13/09 Buttercup to Tao

hey tao,

you know that image of you and brandon sitting on a chair in what
looks like a dimly-lit nyc bar, and there is a girl sitting next to

i'm trying to find it to include in a blog post but am having trouble

do you know where i can find it/where it was originally published



11/13/09 Tao to Buttercup

it's somewhere on htmlgiant.com

search their tags or something maybe

going afk now

11/13/09 Buttercup to Tao



me: q;wueaaasteed
confused about reality, i feel
somehow thinking 'if everything that exists, stops exisiting in twenty­twelve, i will feel really good
about humanity's tenure on earth, really'
was my second to last input 'yodaesque?'

review of ‘shoplifting’ on romantic rhetoric
11/19/09 Buttercup to Tao


11/19/09 Tao to Buttercup

pretty sweet
thanks bro
will 'news feed' it tomorrow


me: hey tao, don't want to bug you, but if you have time/energy can you help me troubleshoot some
blogger 'bullshit' issues?
tao: not right now
editing 2nd novel, turning in tomorrow
me: sweet/stoked, later

blogger troubleshooting
12/7/09 Buttercup to Tao

hi tao,
i feel 'stoked' re 'richard yates' being submitted today.
i plan on attending whatever release party you have, regardless of where it's 'thrown.'
re my trouble with blogger yesterday:
i utilize the 'after the jump' feature on my blog when it seems like posts are 'too long' or 'too wordy' and i don't
want to lose interest.
but when i use this feature, it prevents all embedded videos 'before the jump' from displaying.
i would go to 'blogger help forums' to troubleshoot, but i'm concerned they'll censor my blog if i re­accept the terms of use policy, due to the content.
do you know of 'alternative html script' i could use in my blog's template to emulate the 'after the jump' feature? or just how to 'fix this problem?'
i'm going to assume i just can't display video 'before the jump' if you're unsure how to help

thanks for your time bro


12/7/09 Buttercup to Tao

after some more investigating i realized it is 'a "firefox" problem'
when i look at the page in 'safari' it's 'relatively fine' but embedded google­video still doesn't display
fuck da internets
if you have more info re this problem i would appreciate it regardless

thanks again bro

12/7/09 Tao to Buttercup

i don't know anything about this
never used that on my blog
i know basic html, i don't know css or scripts, i think

12/7/09 Buttercup to Tao

thanks for getting back to me
discovered that the problem is 'unsolvable'
seems funny re 'unsolvable problems'

Fwd: year end top-three lists
12/10/09 Tao to Buttercup

[forwarded message omitted]


me: sup tao
is it snowing in new york
tao: a little
me: damn
two feet of snow here
how did submitting 'richard yates' 'go?'
you were doing final edits last time we gchatted
tao: went well, i think
going to edit more at some point
me: are you interested at all in reading the manuscript of my novel
tao: post parts on your blog
me: k
there is an excerpt on my tumblr http://ohmygoditssofuckingbig.tumblr.com

gene morgan is considering publishing this on htmlgiant but doesn't want to look like 'an asshole' and make another bear parade
12/22/09 Buttercup to Tao

unsure about the significance of this email
'ultimately' means very little, regardless

[‘prose two’ from ‘eight ‘horrible’ pieces of prose written in the last year’]

[no is and are what who] New comment on how sex feels (via men [via buttercup mcgillicuddy....
12/22/09 Tao to Buttercup

Tao Lin has left a new comment on your post "how sex feels (via men [via buttercup mcgillicuddy...":


yes, buttercup is dead, literarily
1/21/10 Buttercup to Tao

yes, i'm dead

feels like i'm responding so that zac will 'stfu'

will be in new york in may

ttyl bros

thank you for this courtesy msg,
the horny ghost of buttercup mcgillicuddy


me: hi tao


me: hi tao, sorry to bug you but i want a copy of richard yates but am broke and have no internet
presence anymore. what should i do?
tao: get $10...


me: bro....
i think i scared jordan castro, worried


feeling a strong [something] to 'extend friendship' to you
seems like recently you have been trepidatious re 'friendship' between the two of us
i am sorry if i have been 'overbearing'/naggy
seems like previously i have been unpredictable, and/or [i don't know] in an alientating way
i like you and would like to communicate freely with you
i feel like our interactions have always resulted in positive feelings 'on my part' and would like to keep having
i am trying to travel to ohio this weekend, though my 'prospects' seem bleak
seems like whenever we talk on gmail chat i feel 'flustered' and confused and this seems disorienting
i want to try to decrease feelings of confusion and be more chill
hope you are receptive to this
'dude chill',


[attached image of richard yates ‘dude chill’ image macro]


me: hi tao
sweet re film company establishment

dude chill campaign promotional request
11/25/10 Buttercup to Tao

i [buttercup mcgillicuddy] recently returned from death and launched the dude chill campaign on various social
the campaign is to promote my upcoming feature film, 'dead midgets'
it seeks to make dude chill a recognizable brand/form of 'memefication' and spread ambiguous/neutral/'chill' vibes
across the internet
you are receiving this email because you are/could be considered either famous or micro­famous on the internet,
and would provide dude chill with a recognizable/'easily promotable' meme
i [buttercup mcgillicuddy] encourage you to contribute to this campaign and will be 'appreciative'/supportive of
whatever efforts you put forth
an image of you in a dude chill­style pose with a neutral­to­'snide' facial expression would be a good
contribution if you feel creating your own meme would somehow seem difficult/'inauthentic'/[something]
otherwise you could just make your own dude chill/some variation in the same 'vein'/tone
all people who contribute a dude chill meme will receive a free pre­release of my solo project/feature length LP,
energy dusk
and possibly some additional media once the movie is complete
thank you for your time/consideration

buttercup mcgillicuddy [a.k.a. stephen michael mcdowell]

[attached image of tom hanks ‘dude chill’ image macro]


me: hi tao
feel really bored, would like human interaction
why are you up so late


me: bro...........

movie things
10/23/11 Buttercup to Tao

hi tao and megan,

i would like to see 'mdma' and 'bebe zeva' and 'mumblecore' and other films you've made
but the combination of not having money and being in nicaragua is preventing me from supporting your careers
i am reinventing my old blog http://romanticrhetoric.blogspot.com as a movie critique blog
if i can, somehow, see the movies
i will 'cover' them in various media for the duration of our mutual careers/lives
and do whatever i can to help support you in the future, regardless
until i have seen the movies i will thoroughly 'review' your vimeo/youtube career
and try to elicit a sense of prestige through 'critical analysis' and assessments of 'narrative tact'
i miss you guys a lot


10/23/11 Tao to Buttercup

hi buttercup,

here they are:

[urls omitted]

reviews would be sweet, i will link via mdmafilms' twitter account if you review
thank you

looking forward to your reviews

10/23/11 Buttercup to Tao


thanks tao

feel excited to view/review these

10/26/11 Buttercup to Tao


hope everything is 'chill' re separation
here's the article

¡¡¡¡love you guys!!!!


10/27/11 Tao to Buttercup

sweet, like it a lot

10/27/11 Buttercup to Tao


thanks bro, i like the publicity
also, i liked the movies, seems funny that i was mentioned twice in MDMA and no one told me
did you find out about 'melancholia' from my blog? i wrote a 'critique' if it
watched the drug documentary that was liked via MDMAfilms' vimeo account, seemed sweet
let me know if you have any information re 'continued coverage' of MDMAfilms, release dates for new movies,
i will be posting regularly on my blogs

11/1/11 Tao to Buttercup

i already knew of it, but saw it on your blog later and enjoyed your write­up. good job. enjoyed other parts of your blog also.
will send you the next mdmafilms movie when we make it. probably won't be for at least ~4-­6 months though.
thank you for the sweet review

berlin memorialgate (submitted to thought catalog)
4/15/12 Buttercup to Tao

hi tao,

feel unsure what to do with this

suggestions/comments are welcome



Fwd: twitter selection editing (gabby gabby)
5/10/12 Buttercup to Tao

got it down to 34 tweets which i think is the highest number i feel comfy with

hope this is ok/that you feel like this adequately represents you (in 140 words or less)


[twitter selection omitted]

(no subject)
5/18/12 Buttercup to Tao

[early draft of ‘insects i’ve murdered’]