if i am widowed in my old age and have nothing better to do i will ride every known roller coaster in order of completion date, maintaining a neutral facial expression, and repeat this action until everything in my body ceases functioning, as a performance art piece highlighting the thoroughness of humanity's confusion about reality and its inevitable extinction (impending doom) amidst a regenerative cycle of imperceptible chaos

i feel 'over-extended'

maybe i perceive reality how a remote control perceives a television

also, i have had four cups of coffee in the past ~1.5 hours

it seems that the most probable cause for myself is somehow 'pervasively sexual'

but right now i feel like an apple macbook power adaptor cable that isn't long enough to extend from a 'nearby' outlet to a preferred workspace

i want to kill myself sometimes; almost entirely on weekends

i feel curious if my anxiety derives from something metaphysical or if i induce it myself, consciously, or subconsciously, or using a type of reasoning inaccessible to current knowledge of the mind

when i was younger i performed a solo dance routine on stage in front of a group of people, then six years later saw the same choreography performed by a group of children more than ten years younger than me and felt okay but kind of betrayed

i think this led to me becoming an 'atheist', in that everything in the universe that happened previous to me becoming an atheist contributed to my eventual atheism

sarcasm doesn't extend to most regions of castellano that i am familiar with

seems like 'impending doom' is the most concrete abstraction i regularly access

last night i had a dream that steve jobs had a presentation in downtown los angeles, and i felt aware and calm that he was dead, and about death in general

i woke up and felt horrified and prophetic and that something must be done and someone must be informed but felt unsure who or why or about what

the service staff where i am living seems considerable more well-adjusted than i feel

it seems like here would be the appropriate place to advertise 'cornflakes'

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