all of the shudders are drawn, the curtains too, and i can't find the light switch.

i've managed to spend one hundred forty

of the past one hundred sixty-eight hours

shifting between positions on my bed

thinking about one person

and that person has managed

to ignore me

for roughly ninety-five percent

of that time

i walked to my friends' house

and spent the night there,

craving cigarettes,

ignoring all of them and eating their food

moments after one of them

offered me a smoke

i got a phone call

saying my ride was there

i've decided to see

if i can spend

one hundred sixty-eight

of the next one hundred sixty-eight hours

crying profusely

only drinking water

and consuming sodium chloride

and successively crying

significantly more

each subsequent day

i will feel better

after having done this

or worse, i feel

or dead maybe